Okay guys, let's talk about a topic I'm sure you've had to unfortunate chance to experience. It's that moment when you know that you've done something wrong, simply because your woman has suddenly put on The Mask.
Now, for those of you men who are not already nodding your heads, let me briefly explain. The "mask", is a metaphor for the poker face that a woman takes on, when she is concealing her true emotions. It's the "happy face" that hides a hidden monster, lurking and waiting to pounce.... Or so it can seem at times. The Mask is usually complemented by the phrase "I'm fine" or "No, nothings wrong", and is often accompanied by distance. She acts and says everything is okay, but you can tell that something is definitely not okay.
If you're like most men, you probably start to back away very slowly, as if you had just been confronted by a mother grizzly bear. As you back away, you pray that she won't start to charge you, but just when you think you've nearly made it into the clear, she comes from out of nowhere with largest paw, full of razor sharp claws, and there is nothing you can do to escape...
Okay! So now it's time to get real.
Let me tell you something about us women, that will help you overcome "The Mask", anytime you find yourself facing her.
The thing about the mask, is that we learn to put it on, from our mother's and other women role models in our lives. It's an ancient secret, passed on from woman to woman, though not consciously of course. We don't sit our daughters down and teach them to "put on the mask". No, it usually happens because we as daughters, watch how our mothers are with the men in their lives. If they're married, there is definitely going to be some 'masking'. And the only reason for that, is because the longer we are with a man, the more he gets to know us, and the more we subconsciously transform our masks to conceal our emotions even better.
If our mothers were single parents, the mask might be more confusing, as it molds to fit each man around. If we grew up with single dads, which isn't as common, but common enough, then we probably will see some great examples of masks, because the women our fathers try to date, will have to be wary of not being manipulated by the power of daughters (trust me, little girls have great power with their dads, if you're a dad, you know what I mean).
Realistically, we can't kid ourselves, as everyone man, woman and other, have a mask they wear. Though for the purposes of this blog post, it's women whom have been hurt in relationships, that often wear the most concealing masks. If you're reading this post, then you know well what I mean.
To reiterate, the best masks are developed through emotional trauma. The more trials and tribulations a woman has been through, the better she gets at wearing her mask. Every break up, every infidelity, every time she feels she's been taken for granted or used.
Now, I will tell you right now, that mask is not all bad. It's an evolutionary skill, and was designed for many reasons, and has many uses, like when she's interviewing for an important career. The sad truth, even though the mask does have some benefits, is that the mask doesn't help in a relationship, at least not where passionate love is concerned. It's useful if you only have a companionship that you're pretending or desperately trying to believe is passionate love. The challenge there though, is recognizing the difference between passionate love and companionship.
You, as her loving and doting man, whom is searching for ways to connect with her on a deeper level, by searching on the internet for help - are obviously interested in her for much more than just a lifetime or boring companionship. Sure, that's to be included, but companionship should be a part of the package, not the package itself.
So let's cut to the chase, and I'll tell you what you really need to know.
The last thing you want to do when a mother bear has spotted you, is to run. In fact, running away is a good way to get her even more pissed off, and 90% of the time, it's the reason that you get side-swiped with her emotional claws when she can't hold it in anymore.
No, as any good survivalist knows, the best way to handle a stare down with a bear, is to make yourself look as big, tough and difficult as you can. Now, while obviously you don't want your woman to know we're relating her to an angry mother grizzly bear, the truth is that getting past her mask requires similar tactics. You still need to be tough, but not in a macho way. You need to be tough by being brave. When you're woman is wearing her mask, it's because she feels hurt. You may or may not know why she's feeling hurt, but the key is that you know she's feeling hurt, and that you don't run from her when she's feeling hurt. She actually needs you more when she's wearing her mask, then when she's not.
In fact, the #1 reason why women put on the mask with the man they love, is because she's afraid she's been too openly emotional, and that you might take her for granted if she is to be completely open with you. That in some strange way, by her telling you she loves you, and by wanting to touch you and feed you and be with you, that you'll leave her for "over-loving" you. That sort of thing might be true with a man whose only out for companionship, but a man who is truly in passionate love with a women, does not mind that she wants to bath him in her love. The second most common reason, is because she's been trying to communicate with you, using subtle woman tactics, and they haven't been working. Maybe she wants you to plan a short weekend getaway, to have some romance. Or it could be as simple as her wanting you to kiss her more passionately, like you used too, but because you want to, and not because she wants you to or told you that's what she wants.
It's crazy inside the mind of a woman sometimes. And I can understand your fearful reproach at times, but trust me, once you have some understanding, it's easy to overcome.
Now, with a bear you need to be Big and Difficult. With a woman, that translates to you needing to be Masculine and Persistent. Combine all three for Courage, Masculinity and Persistence. You need to be courageous, because your woman is hurt, and she's wants to let go of this grief, hurt and disappointment, but she isn't sure how. With that confusion comes anger, and with that anger comes the mask and a wall of protection. She doesn't realize that she has all this armor, but now you do and that's what is important. You can now use that new knowledge to recognize that getting past that mask is not going to seem easy the first few times. It's not exactly difficult either, but that's where the persistence and courage comes in. You need to realize now, that she is going to use every tactic she can, to hurt you in the same way she feels hurt. This will multiply by the number of days she's been wearing the mask. Trust me though, going this route will be well worth the reward, and won't hurt nearly as much as if you followed your first instinct and ran.
The key here, is to remember that nothing she says or does is grounded in logic, and most of it isn't even about you. Although you may have had a hand in the trigger, most of the mask is about years of emotional build up. So do your best not to take it personally, and every time she tries something, like calling you names and focusing in on one of your faults, just tell her that you love her, and that she should continue to say anything that she wants to say. If she asks you a question and wants a meaningful answer, do your best to give her one. If she asks you to do something different, or change in some way, don't just blow it off, she's serious and you should be too. This moment is critical, because she's telling you what she needs from you. Your ability to give it to her, makes the difference between a passionate love and a companionship. Pass her test and prove to her that your love for her is real and it's passionate.
Once the mask is almost cleared, and you'll know by the softening look in her eyes, it's time to be the man you were made to be. Use your masculine energy to give her that look. The look that says it all. It's not just any look. It's the look that you give to a woman that says, "I love you, no matter what. I'm not going anywhere, and I will not run. I am yours, and you are mine." It's a lot of things to say in one look, but you did it before when you won her over the first few times, and you can do it again. Give her that look, then move in and grasp her with your manly arms. Love her like the man you really are, without fear and without hesitation, then watch the mask simply melt away.....